Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
