Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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