I think I am morally bankrupt
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
