dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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