At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
