I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
