It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
