There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
my nose is crying tears of wow.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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