it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
