what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
