we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it's like iHOP with fire
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
