Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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