I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
