Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
