I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
