would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
