I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
