so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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