don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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