OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
