In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
