You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
