How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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