ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
