I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm just crazy horny about you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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