i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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