I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
