marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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