I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
