I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
