none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
