I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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