I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
