dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize