I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
