if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
