the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
