Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
