whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
