Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
what day is it and did you see me today?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
