He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
