Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
