he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
