I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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