I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
