living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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