he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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