Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
