If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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