In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
