i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
